Saturday, January 23, 2010

Up in the Scare--LOADED with Extras!

I finished "Up in the Scare" the night before the special election in Masachusetts. I had a hunch the Playboy Bunny was going to win, and that was a whole different ball of wax--one I didn't want to touch yet. Oy gay, what a way to start off the new decade. Not him, of course, but this one....

Doy Vay.

We, the idiots, are responsible for somehow not thinking healthcare is a good, American ideal, but those, the "leaders" are the ones who have to convince, fight, get their fingers in the dirt, not the manicurist's office. I've not seen Obama do anything "leader-like" in the entire year. Yes, I'm thrilled he replaced gWb, and, yes, I will vote for him over a doofus G.O.P. (God of Profit), but he's the Professor to Hillary's Mary Ann, or Ginger, or the Howells. So, yes, I'm also angry. You don't bring together two parties; you lead one party, and allow the other to follow, or lose.

The gays hate him, and rightly so. Fuck DOMA, just don't fuck each other, dudes. Because, well, as a strong, smart, African-American who has a dream, I don't understand why you'd expect or want equal rights. Deal with it as I have not.

On top of everything else wrong with Obama's approach, here's another thing he forgot to do. The day after the new Penthouse Pet, Scott Brown, won, Glenn Beck made a comment saying their could be a dead intern. We are so accustomed to the blabbering idiots who rant and rave and bellow (forgive the blatant "South Pacific" rip-off), that we don't even bother to say how horrific that comment was. Beck, in a sideways fashion, accused Brown, of possible murder.
Now, if Obie Won had a brain, as well as a heart and courage and maybe some Friends of Dorothy, he would have lambasted Beck's words, saying "America will not tolerate our new senator being threatened by the bigots of the media."

Um, to quote Keanu Reeves in anything, "duh."

This way, Mr. President, you've lambasted the RIGHT for attacking someone on the RIGHT. It's not political science, Barack, it's political. (Oh, and also, it would be the right thing to do.)

Meanwhile, there was the whole Supreme Court thing---who will Walmart pick for Pres????

So another column done for now.

In the meantime, folks, let's learn from the Gods of Profit and steal their playbook. Here's how it goes. Scott Brown posed "nude" for Cosmo. Cosmo is not unlike Playgirl, and 80 perecent of Playgirl models are gay. I've slept with two, I've seen them in porn, I've seen them serving drinks in gay bars. If that's true, and 10 percent of all men are gay, then there's a 90 percent chance that the new Hustler Pin-Up is actually a gay hustler.

You heard it was a rumor, while I heard it was true. (Oh, and by the way, it's a known fact that gay men love to dress up in uniform. I think we're at 98 percent now.)

I hope you enjoyed the column. Someone recently asked me how I figure out the beginnings, since they tie into the ends. I simply explained the "Completion Backward Principle" as performed by my favorite group, The Tubes. Check them out sometime. They are wonderful.

I can't think of a better note to end on....

And remember,
You're in the book.
David Toussaint

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